Dancing In The Rain
Friday, April 24, 2009
Everyone in my family is messed up. Fucking messed up. At times, I think my family is a fucking joke as well. From d outside we all look so fucking normal. I wonder whether they can see the problems which lies between each of us or not.
Sometimes i'm just so fucking sick of this family. I really cant stand it anymore. I always try my very very best to ignore everything that's happening but they are still family. And i can't help but care. But the thing is, it hurts to care. Really really hurts and too painful for me to handle.
A fren told me to be strong and don't care bout others. Easier said than done. I already dont care bout other ppl. They can think whatever they want. Do what ever crap they like. I really dont give a shit anymore. But family is a little harder 2 ignore. Maybe it's cause i'm always at home. This is why i always go out. I cant stand being at home d. If i went out 2day, i wont be like this now. Giving up. Too tired.
Another fren told me i shld appreciate my parent while they are still here. Also easier said than done. I try my very best to love them n all but sometimes, it's fucking impossible. Seriously.
I feel like a fucking child stuck in between arguing parents. I cant do anything but look at them or try my best to ignore my surroundings. I block my ears and heart but some how those words find a way into me. It gets harder n harder 2 handle.
No one really gets what i'm tyring to say. They'll tell me dont be so petty, they're your parents. Or don't worry, it'll get better and some other shit. But it wont get better. I sincerely believe it wont get better. Unless one of them is dead or divorced. Then mayb things will get better.
Last year was really the highlight of my life. Because i wasnt there to witness any arguments and shit. Because i wasnt even in the fucking house most of the time.That's y i can't fucking wait 2 leave this country.
I'm just too tired too care anymore. And i give up on this family. Seriously. No point in caring and then getting hurt all over again. Sometimes i wonder how many times can a heart break before you cant put the pieces togather again.
Sometimes i wonder whether i will be able to survive through the storm or not.
I dont know whats right and whats real anymore
I dont know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
Cause Im being taken over by The Fear
And she survived.. ;