Dancing In The Rain
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Alright. So there is this 12 step program people go through to recover from alcoholism or bulimia or drugs. I have none of those. I don't drink (much), I swallow all my food and I don't do drugs.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
I ADMIT I AM POWERLESS OVER SHOPPING (more specifically the word SALE or DISCOUNT). It's not unmanageable. Yet. But I can find every petty reason to just purchase something.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
I believe that it can be help. Now, would someone please hand over a Amex Platinium card. (it's the Greater Power)
Well, honestly i think I got till as far as two. Cz the third till twelve step is handing myself over to God and hope he can fix me. I'm beyond repair dah-ling.
I'm getting more addicted to shopping. What's more I'm earning a pretty penny and can afford to splash out on clothes and clubs. But the thing is, I told my parents I wanna pay for my own education. So pray tell how in the world am I gonna do that when I'm shopping all the time.
It doesn't help that I got this huge ass built in wardrobe. Seriously, someone can actually sleep in it. Actually, make that two shinyi(s) hahaha I love a huge wardrobe (like Carrie's one in Sex and The City- God I could live in there for the rest of my life) but then it makes the amount of clothes I have looks so few. So I keep shopping for more clothes. I keep buying more dresses and tops and shorts and skirts. Cz I like things full.
And the clothes here are not too expensive. Well, unless I go to those super branded ones which will easily go up to $100. I got a corset (not the lingerie kind) the other day for only $70. I would have waited for it to go on sale but i've been lusting for a corset for a year now. It also doesn't help that I'm going out to clubs almost every week. All the more reason to buy more clubbing clothes =)
It also doesn't help that it's almost winter again. I NEED MORE WINTER CLOTHES! If I'm dragging my ass out of bed at 3.30am into frezzing air, I'm gonna need motivation. Which is nice winter clothes and ugg boots. So, another reason to shop haha
You know, actually I don't think I need this bullshit 12 step recovery program. What I need is someone to control my money. Like when I get my salary, someone have to transfer it to another account which I have no access to. Then just give me $50 a week and demand that I only use that for a whole week. Cz I really can. I spend like $20? on groceries and like $300 on clothes a week. Who's gonna volunteer? Cz honestly, I'm pretty sure i'll be a complete bitch towards u =)
And she survived.. ;
Friday, February 26, 2010
Many people don't know about this. Why am I writing this now? Cz I can't fucking sleep. AGAIN. And i've been drinking (to help me slp better) and it's been a couple of years already.
Selyna, u knew just a part of the reason why I broke up with him (if u still rmb cz it was a pretty long time ago lol). I'm an avoider/ignorer. So I don't talk bout things that hurts me. Anyway, I think in a way he is the reason why I don't want a bf now. I just can't take the emotional strain of a relationship. I like freedom. I like not having to worry about others. I like being myself without worrying what you think of me.
I don't know whether u still read my blog or not but I want to say that I cherished what we had. I really do. It started out like a fucking fairytale straight out of the story book. We were fucking great together. It would have been fucking fantastic if you didn't emotionally abuse me.
At first everything was fine. Then slowly u started changing me. Subtly and I was not even aware of it. At first it was just small things like me playing in the rain. Then it went on to things like the way I dress and how I interact with other people, especially guys. And alot of other things. Suddenly u made me feel like I'm not good enough for u. I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't thin enough. I wasn't fair enough. I wasn't smart enough. I partied to much. I drank too much. I went out too much. And u were good. Really. U did all this without me realising it. The way u said it was so charming that I really didn't know. And I fell into your bullshit for 6 months. 6 fucking months. I really do give u credit for abusing me so long w/o me knowing. I was young. I was stupid.
But we would never ever get back together. No matter what u say. What we had was really good. But I woke up one day and ask myself why am I doing this to myself. I know I deserve better dammit. And since u, I've never had a serious bf. Yeah I had a few but no one lasted more than a month. I went on dates, I flirt with guys but I never had any intention of having a serious relationship anymore. Well, until I meet the right guy or whatever.
Which is good in a way. Cz I never want to be that girl. The girl who chooses where to study because of her bf. The girl who stayed in Msia because he is there instead of going to Australia or where ever she actually wants to. The girl whose life revolves around him and abandons most of her friends. I don't like being that girl. Sorry but my friends always comes before any boys. I would abandon my bf to go out with my besties. Cz I know after everything they are always there for me. Bf? Hmm, u've gotta convince me first.
And she survived.. ;
Friday, February 19, 2010
I waxed my eyebrow. Omg, it was.... not as painful as i expected it to be but to wax under the arch was a bitch cz it's so near the eyes. But I got a free "makeover" which was actually just some concealer to cover the redness, and then foundation and loose powder n all. I love the Benefit Moon Beam Illuminator. Might just get that =)
It took me a few days if not weeks to find a freaking brow bar in melbourne. I miss msia where everything is so familiar. Like if I wanna get my brows done, I'll just go to summit. It's so different here. People ask me to go to chinatown to get it done and I said NO WAY. It may be cheap but I don't wanna end up with ah ma kind of brows thankyouverymuch. I rather pay more and go to a professional brow bar.
And this "Only-to-get-my-brows-done-and-go-to-bank" trip caused me $140! No, it didn't cost $140 to wax my brows. It was just $25 but then I went there w/o appt so they asked me to wait for 20mins. And somehow, in 20mins, I manage to buy 2 handbags, clothes, lace gloves and hairspray. In twenty fucking minutes! God, I think I'm getting worse as I age. But it's cool, I don't get to shop often so it's a plus right?
And she survived.. ;
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Dear Mr M,
You are such an attention-seeking whore. How many times have u asked me to blog about u? So since I'm feeling
bored generous today, I'll dedicate this post to u. Thanks for teaching me how to drink "like a pro". If it weren't for u, I don't think I'll be hitting shots back "like a pro". Haha I like that you are funny and always know how to make me laugh with your cocky attitude and larger than life ego. Although sometimes u just annoy the crap outta me but don't ask why I still put up with ur shit. Cb, I miss u too.
Don't ever change u cocky bitch. =)
And she survived.. ;
Monday, February 15, 2010
Since is Valentines Day and it's about relationships, love, roses, chocolates and balloons. There's something I need to get off my chest.
Dear Mr A,
You have to stop hinting that you wanna get back together. Cause I don't think I will. What we had between us was good but abusive. Emotionally at least. You kept saying I was never good enough for you then so what makes you think I am now? I'm still not perfect nor I will ever be.
Dear Mr B,
We are really great friends. Everyone knows it and some even says we are together when we are actually not. We always had "more" within reach but never did anything about it cz we are really comfortable with just being like that. So you have to stop hinting you want more. Cz now we are so far apart and I really treasure our friendship. I don't want to ruin it. So let's just stay as friends alright?
Dear Mr X, Y and Z,
NO. I don't want a freaking boyfriend. It's not you, it's me. I don't want any attachments. I treasure my freedom. I hate the emotional strain of a relationship. I am commitment phobic. I don't do long distance. There's no spark between us. These are my reasons, so take a pick. Stop asking me whether I got a bf or not and when I say no, don't ask me whether you can be one. Cz, the answer is always no. Stop harrasing me on msn and facebook. It's not appreciated.
And I would like to thank all my past bf. You guys had a part in making me who I am today. I'm better, stronger and not easily hurt since I first started my journey in this "world of love" 8 years ago. So HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!
And she survived.. ;
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Chinese New Year and Valentines Day biaytch!!
Went clubbing last night and it was quite alright. Drank Bacardi 151 Mmmmm~ But only took one shot of that cz I don't dare to try another one. Lol Anyway summary of last night: lost a earring (why do I always lose smtg when I club here?), was very SOBER and slightly buzzed and got a sore throat cz i talked too much. Met my friend's friend's friend (I know, it's a lil complicated) and we started talking the whole night. First time since a long time I really really talked to someone. It was very... enlightening haha
Had work today and thank heavens it's afternoon shift. But it was really really really SLOW. Had 10 guest only. Fucking TEN. I almost stab myself with the pen just to stay awake. And it doesn't help that I only slept for 3 hours. I BLAME HILTON MORNING SHIFT! It made me so fucking healthy. I sleep at 8 or 9pm and wake up at 3.30am. On my off days, I wake up at 7am cz I CAN'T SLEEP ANYMORE. Latest I will wake up is 9am.
And now it almost 12 and my eyes are barely open. So, JOJO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I don't think u read my blog though lol
And she survived.. ;
Friday, February 5, 2010
They say it's fucking summer in Melbourne. But it was 20 degrees today. SO, is it still considered as summer?? The weather here is seriously nuts. One day it's over 40 degrees and all i feel like doing is sitting in a tub of ICE. Then the next day, it can be 25 which is alright provided it's not windy. But cold and rainy and windy is good. Not so good when i have to get up fucking early but good cz it's way better than sunny and hot and dry and sweaty.
So i think i confirm will go back msia end of this year. I've already thought of what i wanna do when i go back. First thing first, shopping. CAUSE I FUCKING MISS SHOPS WHICH ACTUALLY HAVE MY SIZE. I hate to shop here cz 7/10 times, I can't find my size. It's damn cibai ANNOYING. Like maxi dress. I went over 15 shops in a day and tired countless dresses and none of them fit well as the smallest they usually have is size 8 (which i still have no idea whether is a S or M).
Then I wanna go clubbing. I was going through some pics ystd and i really miss DENISE!! I wanna go club with u!! And we syok sendiri again. Clubs here got different feel. Maybe cz u're not here =( And I no clubbing kaki here also. My friends are fucking TOO GOOD. Like wtf-are-you-serious kind of GOOD. Except for 2 but then I want girl clubbing kaki. I miss getting drunk. Ok, correction, I don't miss getting drunk. I miss getting high with my besties where we will cam whore with stupid smiley drunk faces.
Then I wanna go vacation if i got time. I wanna go to some island. Like Langkawi to get drunk and high 24/7 and smoke like a fucking chimney =) Or like my sis said Bali and Phuket to.... erm, sunbathe? And maybe to singapore cz my sis is finally legal to club and i wanna try singapore clubs like the hospital themed one. But other than clubbing i have no idea what i wanna do in spore. Sunbathe again?? I'll turn cibai BLACK if i sunbathe too damn much.
Then I wanna go yumcha. With every single friend I know. Ok, maybe not every cz i can't be bothered with all. LoL I wanna fucking sit at mamak from evening till nx morning just for the fun of it. And drink a ton of LIMAU AIS till I have to fucking pee every 5 mins. I'm gonna sit till my ass hurt and laugh till my stomach aches and ignore people looking at us like some jakun cz we talk too loud and laugh too loud. Then go home smelling like cigg and ayam bakar. And if in Tanjung, chau kuey teow.
And I wanna get another tattoo. No idea where and what yet but I still have over 10 months to decide. And pierce my stomach again. To pierce here is $80 and in msia is RM80. Of course I will go back msia to do it. No point spending RM240 for a piercing right?
So far that's all I can think. Need to sleep now if not I'll sleep through my alarm tmr.
And she survived.. ;