Dancing In The Rain
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Was talking to my roomie earlier and we agreed on one thing.
"Guys, when a girls chooses you it's not because you were the only or last option. It's because she choose to be with you instead of all the other guys around. So please do her a favor and not break her heart she gave you so willingly."
We discussed about why we don't choose the guy who treats us right and knows that he'll be there no matter what. We talked about why we choose guys who will break our heart instead.
And we came into conclusion that it's human psychology. It's about who has the power or control. It's kinda like how guys like to chase girls and when he finally gets her he kinda lose interest? It's like that with girls as well. I think that every girl secretly wanna tame the "bad boy". I mean, how cool will it be saying you "tamed" the player and he fell for you? Kinda like: Look everybody! After ALL the girls he met, it's ME he fell in love with.
And me, I love controlling a situation. I abso-fucking-lutely hates it when I'm in a situation I can't control. Or when people tries to control me. It's annoys the hell outta me. Maybe it's an OCD or 'first-born syndrome' or whatever. I need to be in control especially in a relationship.
I admit there was a time eons ago where I don't plan anything waiting for that someone to call and make plans but ended up staying inside all fucking day cz he didn't call.
1 day I just woke up. I said, I deserve better than this. In fact, I deserve so much more. I'm my number one priority. So 1 day, I just stopped waiting. I stop waiting for calls, messages, anything really, from anyone. And I made plans for myself. I do what I want to do.Well, if he really wanted me then he would need to show the fucking effort.
So maybe that's why I'm so indifferent towards people. I really find it hard to open up to someone cz the way I view it, trusting someone is kinda like loosing some control. I think that now they have something personal to hold it against me and I don't like loosing leverage. It's hard to trust someone when a majority of people you've trusted turns their back on you. And god believe me it fucking hurts when it does happen. That's why I choose not to open up too much. They can't fucking hurt me if they don't know me.
And for someone who loves physical pain, I can't take emotional pain at all. It's too god damned crippling.
It's messed up, I realized. But it is the way I grew up.
And she survived.. ;