Dancing In The Rain
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Was talking to my roomie earlier and we agreed on one thing.
"Guys, when a girls chooses you it's not because you were the only or last option. It's because she choose to be with you instead of all the other guys around. So please do her a favor and not break her heart she gave you so willingly."
We discussed about why we don't choose the guy who treats us right and knows that he'll be there no matter what. We talked about why we choose guys who will break our heart instead.
And we came into conclusion that it's human psychology. It's about who has the power or control. It's kinda like how guys like to chase girls and when he finally gets her he kinda lose interest? It's like that with girls as well. I think that every girl secretly wanna tame the "bad boy". I mean, how cool will it be saying you "tamed" the player and he fell for you? Kinda like: Look everybody! After ALL the girls he met, it's ME he fell in love with.
And me, I love controlling a situation. I abso-fucking-lutely hates it when I'm in a situation I can't control. Or when people tries to control me. It's annoys the hell outta me. Maybe it's an OCD or 'first-born syndrome' or whatever. I need to be in control especially in a relationship.
I admit there was a time eons ago where I don't plan anything waiting for that someone to call and make plans but ended up staying inside all fucking day cz he didn't call.
1 day I just woke up. I said, I deserve better than this. In fact, I deserve so much more. I'm my number one priority. So 1 day, I just stopped waiting. I stop waiting for calls, messages, anything really, from anyone. And I made plans for myself. I do what I want to do.Well, if he really wanted me then he would need to show the fucking effort.
So maybe that's why I'm so indifferent towards people. I really find it hard to open up to someone cz the way I view it, trusting someone is kinda like loosing some control. I think that now they have something personal to hold it against me and I don't like loosing leverage. It's hard to trust someone when a majority of people you've trusted turns their back on you. And god believe me it fucking hurts when it does happen. That's why I choose not to open up too much. They can't fucking hurt me if they don't know me.
And for someone who loves physical pain, I can't take emotional pain at all. It's too god damned crippling.
It's messed up, I realized. But it is the way I grew up.
And she survived.. ;
Monday, May 2, 2011
So, I've got exams in 6 weeks time, 2 essay and 1 presentation due this week, 1 HUGE ASS report due next week, 1 report due in 2 weeks time, 1 presentation due in 3 weeks, and another HUGE ASS report due in 4 weeks time. I hate my life.
The only bright ass light at the end of the tunnel is a month long holiday. Which I actually planned to go somewhere but now I can't. Because the girl at work is getting married and wants to take 2 weeks off for her honeymoon and if I took my hols, she won't be able too. I let her because I'm nice like that and I love my friends too much to say no. Did I mention she is only 19 this year? And getting married? Fucking A man.
So that bright ass light dimmed a little. Oh who am I kidding, it dimmed alot. I can barely see it anymore. Damn it. So i turn to other things to make me happy. Like... tattoo! Thinking of getting another one in july. Weeee!
Was suppose to be doing one of the ass due this week cz I haven even read the other ass's ques but I'm soo lazy I cbf with it anymore. Don't even mention the presentation. I feel like crying when I think of the things I need to do but has no motivation to do it. Why am I so lazy?? WHY??
So back to tattoos, still obsessing with rain tattoo. I'm planning to visit several artist n ask them to design some cz it is motherfucking hard to find any decent ones.
I drew some but I'm no artist. It needs professional help lol
Prefer the one on the right more.
And omfg I somehow stumbled upon braille tattoos! Fuckmazing...
Will think of getting one but then apparently I read it's not really considered as a tattoo as they make a tiny hole on the skin and insert some kind of round object or smtg like that. Sounds creepy. And me thinks it'll move. Maybe I'll just stick to plain old dots on my skin. I could write RAIN with that! But I kinda like the picture of the rain more..
Thought about doing vie amour rire again. But somehow it doesn't hold that much meaning to me anymore.
Oh, thought of doing a flower eaten up by flames. Maybe a black rose cz it means death and the words memento mori beside it. But it's a pretty dark and depressing tattoo and I don't think I want it to be on me for the rest of my life with people questioning me. Or thinking that I am some emo bitch.
Sometimes, I tell people my Omnia cause fiunt tattoo means 'fuck you and the world' in latin HAHAHA
And she survived.. ;